I took some time off to center myself.
It has been some time since I have been on here, I took a break to center myself after some shit went down. During this hiatus I almost gave up on many things including this site… almost gave up before the dust settled but I’m back and my foundation has never been stronger. I will be posting without an editor and I apologize in advance for my grammatically sloppy way of writing. The formats and content of this space will be fluctuating and growing as I grow. Its to much to ask my loved ones to correct my long winded posts and It will free up my mind to focus on what is important to me. The heart of all this is to make a difference in lives torn apart by addiction. To help others open their minds, seek inner growth and hopefully find some peace.
Loosing sight of the goal
I made this site with hopes of helping others who struggle or have struggled with addiction. To make a positive impact in this life and to share my experience. My belief is that the true substance of this existence is connections and shared growth. I want to see those around me prosper and find peace. In between all the bravado and greed of this world humans just want to be happy. Happiness comes from many different perspectives but at its core a sense of well being and feeling “good”. My sober journey has lead me to mediation and mindfulness which has been life changing and has brought me a sense of well being and peace I have never known before. When I started creating this site I poured long hours into learning WordPress from scratch, writing and editing pages and posts. Having loved ones read and edit my first posts so that there weren’t a ton of grammar errors! Tweaking little appearances and making it look decent, spending so much time and energy towards something I wasn’t sure would even work out. Then the time came when it got up to a standard that I felt comfortable showing the internet, more than I had shared with most family members. Finally there it was online! My efforts and dreams became a reality, I had a website and hopefully I could make a difference in someone’s life.
Maybe I’m still in shock
Shortly after moving the site online my significant other told me she didn’t love me and that she didn’t want to be with me any longer. It wasn’t anything I could change and had to do with her past. This was a total side blow, I had no clue it was coming. My world was rocked and I lost all inspiration. Almost lost myself in grief and yes I did consider turning back to alcohol to numb and quiet the chaos in my head. The thought of drinking lasted a few days before I snapped out of self pity. I know with out a shred of doubt that while drinking might feel good for the first few hours it would take me back into that darkness. The consequences far out way the short term pleasure that alcohol gives. I am not willing to give up my life and the positive relationships I have now. The shock stayed with me for some time and my mind was a torrent of tormenting thoughts. (This can’t be happening!) I am the best person I’ve ever been and had put so much into our relationship. (How could she!) My mind was rebelling against reality, grief and depression set in and I was not happy. Misery and restless were my identity for weeks.
Quite a coincidence
Just when my thoughts were unbearable and emotions having their way with my body and mind, I received a book a day early. A book I had ordered to review for this site. The Happiness Trap – by Russ Harris. “I will be doing the review soon.” It had a profound impact on me and It was my first real glimpse into mindfulness. The fact that this book came a day early when I was at my wits end seemed to be a inconceivable coincidence. With mindfulness I started seeing instant results in mood and how emotions affected my body. There after, odd signs started to show up in my life… more like I started to notice these signs. Without being trapped in my own head all day this existence started to open up and my spiritual growth blossomed into something powerful. I have always said “To each their own” and believe that everyone should be free to have their own beliefs and opinions. Having an open outlook on this existence is healthy and promotes psychological flexibility. That being said I have been in touch with my higher power and things have been happening that cannot be coincidence. That grief and turmoil were not exactly what I wanted to go through but the outcome and experience has been life changing. Whether your mind deems a situation as “good” or “bad” is of little relevance in the entirety of our lives. This bad situation could just be the start of something life changing. Keep moving forward and focus on what you can do today, this moment right now is all we really have.
Stay vigilant my friends
