I never could have imagined my life After Alcohol.
When I made the decision to quit drinking not only did I feel a sense of freedom and empowerment my brain jumped into overdrive. Ideas and inspiration began to arise everywhere I looked. Situations that were once overwhelming and stressful in the chaos I used to live seemed simple now that my brain was working efficiently, along with my memory improving ten fold I had clear access to my mind again. The head began to clear and those once trivial things like clouds and sunsets became immensely beautiful. It was as if I was seeing this world for the first time and in a way I was reborn.
A calm strength washed over me and I knew I was transcending into a new existence. My confidence began to grow to new heights, no longer artificially bolstered I gained new insight into who I actually am and what I actually like. After twelve years of addiction and subtle insanity, I had lost myself and merely took on a collection of other peoples personalities. I had no identity until I got sober and when I finally met myself for the first time I found enjoyment in my own company. The best part of my rebirth was gaining the strength and mental fortitude I tried to fake for so many drunken years.
No good for me
I have been in some bad relationships but alcohol was by far the most toxic . That term “Whats your poison?” Is pretty accurate and I drank a shit ton of poison. The first few weeks after I quit my body hurt down to the bones and I felt extremely sick because of all the damage I had done. Alcohol and all the unhealthy baggage that comes with drinking took its toll. After some time and effort I began to heal, that’s when I started to notice how great I really felt, that phrase “No pain no gain” holds true here. I sure don’t miss those hangovers, waking up with a head full of hornets and a belly full of acid.
My skin cleared up and people started to notice! Hearing “You look healthier” never got old, plus I knew It was true. Every part of my body just felt so much better. “and smelt much better” I still stink after a day of hard work but its no longer that foul unnatural stench. The troubling heart pains went away as my blood pressure dropped to a safe range, even those panic attacks that would strangle me for days slowly began to dissipate.
Freedom
Soon I began to wake up earlier feeling refreshed instead of miserable. The quality sleep brought new levels of energy and stamina, as you can imagine this had many positive benefits. Including the drive to work towards and accomplish goals I had been putting off for far to long. I started to figure out what I enjoy and had more time to pick up new interests and hobbies than ever before. I read countless soul nourishing books, began to write with passion once more, took up mountain biking, went camping, hiking and general adventure seeking. This was a time of immense grown for me, these memories and experiences stuck with me and continue to fuel my spirit and expand my imagination.
Profound love
Letting go of alcohol was not easy for me, at times it felt like I had lost the only thing I had ever loved… this feeling was pure insanity, especially with all the evidence and countless painful experiences I had put myself through during our relationship. Realizing my mind was working against me was almost a relief because it made the struggle seem slightly less insane. After the light bulb came on I saw that I had to search outside myself to find balance. With an open mind I reached out for help and was surprised to find support from my loved ones, they had always been there. My ego had blinded me, seeing it as strength but it turned out to be a weakness.
With time, perseverance and vigilance my reality started to shift and it hit me square between the ears. I had cast myself into exile, trading the instant gratification and oblivion of alcohol for the people I loved. The family and friends still clinging to a thread of hope and the man they once knew were paramount in order to start my transformation. I was not alone and I never had to be again, life needs life to exist and I am no exception.
New life
This is my new life, my new reality and I am very aware of how easy it would be to slip back into addiction. The hunger and reservations are no longer there but the awareness of my choices and mindset are the key for me to continue to grow in the right direction. I have to choose to be happy. This existence is true to myself and fulfilling beyond what I could have imagined. There are still hard days, weeks and months but they no longer break my spirit. The ability to mentally check myself and adjust my train of thought feels like a super power. Life is exciting again and I’m able to enjoy the little things that I used to take for granted.
All the stresses and emotions that come with being human are felt more than ever but now I know they don’t have power over me unless I allow them to. My connections with people have a depth and openness I only got a glimpse of while in the thralls of addiction. My mind and body feel more connected than ever before. I feel efficient like I’m starting to live up to my potential, striving and growing in that direction. I choose to be happy to be alive, happy with who I am and think with positivity to what the future holds.